Year's gone...

I cant believe it run so fast... So many has changed, from little wee snoodle in love became depressed and broken hearted eejit. She left me, again and again, and even though we havent seen each other for more than a half a year now, I am still mad about her, feeling like it was yesterday when she last hugged me and kissed me.

I know ur not curious about my love life mumbo-jumbo.

Tomorrow Ill continue becoming a esteemed dentist. During holidays Ive been practising in an ordination, taking off dental calculus (do you really use this term? Should start learning some terms, as I dream of going to erasmus), examinating patiens... After two days "at work" i completely lost my ideals and said I dont want to do that.

So I decided to dive into surgery and implantology. Havent decided yet what is gonna be my final goal, but defos I dont want to stuck just drilling carieses...

Situation with my mother has been getting better till last week, when we had fight and i havent spoken to her yet till now.
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My mind is a box

... and you put things in.

Sometimes just one song can exactly express your feelings when you dont know how to.
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Everybody deserves to be mad. Pure egoism.

I am stuffed with the "normality" all around. I can hear everywhere "you are NOT NORMAL!!!", this is not normal, that is not normal, what is normal then?

I am lesbian. And I think it is normal as far as I am happy and do not hurt anyone. I still cant walk on the street holding my girls hand, because she doesnt want to be in the centre of attention and entertainment for others. And its true. But really, who doesnt see us? Even when we are not holding hands. The way how we look at each other... Only dumbass cant see.


Why is green and blue combination of clothes so out? Once I had green trousers and blue vest top. And some old guy noted "green and blue good for mad heads!". But honestly, you can see the combination of green and blue everywhere. Trees are green and the sky is blue and when the sun is shining its soo beautiful!

I love new things. I love new crayons, new papers, sharpened pencils, i love to pronounce "r" and "sh". I love licking ice cubes. I love hot bath (but that is normal, right?). I love to sing loudly how the song goes. Some people say I should rather shut up cause my singing is terrible. But i doubt they ever tried it. Good singing is imho not about good voice, but good heart and emotions.

I love cleaning. Hate tidying, but love cleaning. I love when white things are white without any trace of dirt. I love ironing. Love how all the wrinkles disappear. I love when my legs are perfectly shaved. I love play with my hair. I love to say FUCK! I love to say I love you. And I love to hear it as well.

I love order in my computer folders. I love to watch sunset and dream. I love being tickled on my back. I love receiving post, the real, hand-written post. Also I love to write it :)

I love my ballpoints. I love fixing things. And not just things. I love fixing everything. Broken hearts and broken legs.... Broken people. And I am good at it :)

Enough of love.

I hate addictive things. I am addicted to communication with people and I know it. But its hardly treatable. I hate drugs, hate beer and hate hangovers. I hate being lost and bitten by mosquitos.

I hate overcrowded buses and trams and every public transport stuff. I hate migrenes!!! I hate boking and insecurity, suspense. I hate dirty keyboard.

I hate long nails.
Hate lies.
Hate flies.
Hate public toilets.
Hate when dont know where my documents are.
Hate when I am afraid.
Hate being lonely but not alone. Unfortunately those two things are usually coming together...
Hate when I am jealous. And I am. A lot. And I know it and try to fight against it.
Hate being naive. And I am. A lot. But dont try to beat it cause being naive is soo much easier...

And finally, I love writing pure egoistic posts which noone reads. But it helps :)

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Oh my god

I am so in love. And I want to shout it from the rooftops so everyone knows how much i love my girl. I dont care what anyone thinks...

We are together exactly 7 months and 6 days. And I am still sooooo cheesy its disgusting, but I love it :D and happily she loves it too.
We say each other every day at least once we love each other... We love to fall asleep so tight we can feel each others heart beat. I love to play with her hair. I love to rub her on her tummy. I love to nibble her nose. I love to give her thousands little kisses all over her.

I can really see us in our future, with nice house, dogs, children. I know, I am naive. Who knows how the future will be. But I really wish I will still fall asleep with her, looking forward to see her after work and wake up beside her.

And finally, I love to fuck her.
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Sometimes just one song…

…can perfectly describe the way I feel.

Its not a matter of lyrics, its more the atmosphere. Of course, everyone of us is different and everybody has his own ears. Lots of people think (and honestly me too) that Marilyn Manson is such a freak. But that's why i like him so much. And sometimes he can just hit the head on a nail (or was it hitting the nail on the head?)

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"I am proud of you"

Hearing that made my day today. And tomorrow. It actually made my week and whole month.

I wished so much to hear that from my dad. And I heard it. And it made me happy.

Wish I could hear that from my mum too but doubt I will ever hear something nice from her. But life's life right you cant have everything you want to :)
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Gone baby gone

And she is gone.
I am pissed off.
Happy.
Worried.
Alone.
In love.
Looking forward.

Hungry. Lets make lasagne!
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