Temptation to write....

Just anything, as usual. To let my thoughts go away from me...

Living in the "new" flat for one month already. Waiting for my lover (comes next week), who feels that I am suffocating her... I dont know what I am doing wrong in our relationship. What should I do? I dont want to suffocate her. Stopped texting her, stopped calling her. Now will leave it up to her. When she wants to contact me, I will be happy...

I am so scared and worried. Need to get a subletter here because the rent is too high for us. Really many people were interested and mailed me. But really to have a look came only half of them and the rest didnt bother to tell that they are not coming. Quarter of people who came texted me that they are sorry but found another place - closer to work, flat with more people in, ... And another quarter didnt bother to contact me at all.

Really nervous about that... Need someone in two days - mission impossible...

I miss my girl like crazy. But afraid to tell her... Hope everything is gonna be just fine by time.

School is hard (who would expect that). Cant wait to finnish the first year. Will have to lie in the books whole weekend and study cranium, then latin and histology.

Disgusted with my country... With people. Feeling lonely and alone here. On the other hand, I am refusing people and socializing in last few weeks. Its like a magic circle... I want to see people, go out, have fun... But on the other side - I want them to leave me alone. I actually dont know what I want. Thats even worse.
I am going out, getting drunk... Was in bar this week, last week... And what. It just gave me hangover... Was fun, "good craic"...

Another useless post which will stay unread but will help me to sort my thoughts out and kill some of time which I dont have anyway....

Feel like I want to go to bed and sleep for 5 years, then wake up and see where I am. Or just stay dreaming. I am dreaming all the time anyway, even when I am awake. Strange, that I need a coffee when going to study. It kicks my ass and then I can learn a lot in short time. Will wake up early tomorrow and stay - why am I writing stay? Wanted to write start. Mr. Freud would be laughing at the moment :) Start studying.

Listening to Muse, and having flutterbys in my tummy, because I have really strong memories for this music, especially for the Sing for absolution.


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"Youre not on high school, youre in hell, and it will get worse!"

Words of my anathomy teacher sound in my ears last week every single second.

I am really in hell. And imagination that it will get worse doesnt help me lol.

I am tired, still living on the floor and boxes, as the flat we are supposed to move in is still not finnished. Fucking bastards i really need some peace to study. Its hard even to find some clean panties in the fucking mess i am living now.


Our first test passed one person from 22. Really funny. I am curious how I am gonna make it.

"Its impossible to make it, but you must" say our older schoolmates. Theyre right... Its impossible, but we just must, otherwise we quit.

Drinking my first coffee and will study whole night I guess. Dont have enough time and dont have enough energy.

I have to get another subletter to the other room, so every day someone is coming to see the flat, which looks really ugly at the moment.

Made a list what I will have to buy. Out of a bargain... at least i have some cuttlery. I wont even have a fucking fridge... Hope the landlady will put there some. She is pissing me off anyway, she promised "fully equipped kitchen" and only things which are there is a sink, two drawes, two shelves and oven. No splashboard, no fridge, no freezer, nothing. Working desk is also not included. What the fuck is she thinking. I cant afford to pay for all of it and the rent is really high so I am sure she has money to put there something more!

If I didnt come and ask her if she is gonna put there some lights, she went to buy them the same day. I am wondering, if she would put it in there without my request, or just let us live in the dark and without electricity.

I wish it all was over really and I was sitting in my new chair and warm and studying in quiet and tidyness.

I want to have my clothes in wardrobe finally!!!

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This is the way how I imagine "hard-core beginning of the school year"

Omg. Three letters explaining practicly everything lol.

School started. On tuesday we write first anathomy test. I am scared like shit... Studying every day but I have no idea how I am gonna make it. About 200 new latin words, most of them sound very similar to each other.

Then about the flat thing. We were supposed to move out till 1st of october. Its 3rd and we are living still in the same flat but now with another subletters, who will have this flat after us. So, 4 girls and practicly 5 people living here. Its quite big apartment but really not so big so we can all fit. "Our" flat was under reconstruction and is still not finnished. On 30th I got through a mild nervous break down when I figured out that in the flat there is no toilet, no shower, no floors, no lights, no electricity... Simply nothing.

The new flat mates - neighbours soon - are two slovenian girls. They are really very nice so far. I have really good luck with friends :)

And we were supposed to move in next day. Asked the workmen and they said "Oh dont think youll move in soon... Its gonna be in 2 weeks!"

I thought I will die at that moment.

Then they said it will be ready on Monday but really, I cant see it.... Floor in the kitchen is not there at all and you are not allowed to walk on it at least for 24 hours when its done.....

I wish all this is over.

I just must pass the test!! Or i quit :(

And to make this post a wee bit more possitive. Bought two absolutely great IKEA writing tables for 800 (about 30€), got 2 chairs for free, cuttlery, cups, curtains, shelves, kettles, pots.
Everything for free from my best friends. Thank you all! X
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