I will pull a man and we will live happily ever after... I dont know what Im doing wrong that I am being ditched over and over again?
Ive met this girl a few months ago, she was way out of my league... but i got drunk, she got drunk, she spent the night (although we didnt fuck), we started to date, and even when i was (and am) still in love with my ex, i have very good time with her and sort of got used to her. But by the time she wanted me to be in love with her, but 1) i am really afraid to fall in love, 2) i cant.
On sunday we had really great time, as far as i can say... and on tuesday she ditched me. I am not sure if my ego hurts or is that my heart? Anyway i really dont know what Im doing wrong... i try so hard but everything goes to waste. I am really glad i didnt fall in love with her as I would be crying in bed now. Like i knew it before it happened.
Today i missed few classes at uni... wasnt able to get out of the bed even when i wasnt really tired. Sometimes i really want to kill myself, i suppose i was born in wrong century, romantism would be just great for me.
I have really black consience i didnt go to the class as it was quite important one but depression is a whore.
Also I am gonna have a new flatmate. Today another two people are gonna have a look, yesterday it was Max and he wants to move in... so i will see who i like the best.
I am tired.
Read more!
Friday 1 October 2010
Tuesday 28 September 2010
Year's gone...
I cant believe it run so fast... So many has changed, from little wee snoodle in love became depressed and broken hearted eejit. She left me, again and again, and even though we havent seen each other for more than a half a year now, I am still mad about her, feeling like it was yesterday when she last hugged me and kissed me.
I know ur not curious about my love life mumbo-jumbo.
Tomorrow Ill continue becoming a esteemed dentist. During holidays Ive been practising in an ordination, taking off dental calculus (do you really use this term? Should start learning some terms, as I dream of going to erasmus), examinating patiens... After two days "at work" i completely lost my ideals and said I dont want to do that.
So I decided to dive into surgery and implantology. Havent decided yet what is gonna be my final goal, but defos I dont want to stuck just drilling carieses...
Situation with my mother has been getting better till last week, when we had fight and i havent spoken to her yet till now.
Read more!
I know ur not curious about my love life mumbo-jumbo.
Tomorrow Ill continue becoming a esteemed dentist. During holidays Ive been practising in an ordination, taking off dental calculus (do you really use this term? Should start learning some terms, as I dream of going to erasmus), examinating patiens... After two days "at work" i completely lost my ideals and said I dont want to do that.
So I decided to dive into surgery and implantology. Havent decided yet what is gonna be my final goal, but defos I dont want to stuck just drilling carieses...
Situation with my mother has been getting better till last week, when we had fight and i havent spoken to her yet till now.
Read more!
Tuesday 2 February 2010
New section
"Unsent letters".
So many times i write a letter but never send it... so i will write it here and who knows, maybe the one, who is supposed to read it will read it, and maybe not. Just must write it somewhere.
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So many times i write a letter but never send it... so i will write it here and who knows, maybe the one, who is supposed to read it will read it, and maybe not. Just must write it somewhere.
Read more!
Wednesday 27 January 2010
First week with new Asus EEE 1201N
It was my birthday and my wish was to get a nice netbook. Ive chosen then new Asus EEE 1201N in red colour and will share my experiences Ive had so far.
I know there are lots of reviews of this notebook, but found only one user's one and it didnt give me informations I wanted to know. Doubt google will google this article, but maybe it will be useful for some people who cant decide which device to buy.
The netbook really looks wonderful. Its design is one of the most beautiful Ive seen. Ive read some revie
ws, where was said, that its glossy so its very easily getting dirty with lots of fingerprints. Dont know if its only red one, but mine has glossy only the part inside - around a keybord and though the fingerprints are not as visible as i expected. When the netbook is closed, its not glossy at all (dont know the english word - opaque?) and it has nice smooth surface and it took me a while to put a fingerprint on it (also took me a while to clean it).
Its pretty big in comparism with other netbooks which is big big possitive, hate the tiny ones when its hard to put your finger on the letter you actually want to - the keybord is really king sized, on each side it has only 7mm to the edge, so there are no problems with writing or typing mistakes. Didnt notice any problems with buttons, all of them are pretty responsive, not too hard to press also not too soft, just perfect.
LCD Screen 12,1'' HD definition, everything is nice and sharp and watching videos its just awesome. Only thing which disturbs a wee bit is, that the screen really is glossy, so if you have light behind you, you can see yourself (as on the picture - click to get bigger) pretty good and its distracting from eg. watching movie or playing game. On other netbooks disturbs me that you have to scroll many times, even to side, there is no problem with this.
Touchpad. It h
as really nice surface - its not divided by terrible "edges" but only little spots are on it, very pleasant to touch. Its fast, responsive, accurate. Only problem I am noticing is, that multitouch is being kind of cheeky to me. Dont know if its issue of every of them, but mine from time to time decides to disable scrolling and zooming. I scroll using two fingers sliding up or down and according to that screen scrolls. But sometimes I can slide to death and the screen wont move, even though the little symbol of scrolling appears. Only restart helps, then it works perfectly... Have browsed through some settings but everything seemed to be "working". Googled if somebody has experiencing the same troubles but didnt find anything so I will appreciate if you can give me some hint what the problem is.
The touchpad buttons are bit harder to press for me, but getting quite used to it, anyway I use just tap on the pad's area than pressing the buttons.
Webcam - no troubles, nice 0.3M, picture is sharp and doesnt stuck while videophoning on skype or wherever.
Battery life. Here I am really disappointed. Read some reviews, also the description on the site I bought this (!!), where is said that the battery can hold on even 8 hours! Well, sure it can, if you keep it off. But if you are normally working on it, dont expect more than 3 hours, 3 and half max. I set mine to: wifi on (permanently online), BT off, LCD brightness to 20% and sounds off and battery mode to "power saving". Using only internet, microsoft word and powerpoint. Didnt get more than 3 hours and 25 minutes. Done everything right, completely let the battery die, then charge, then use it till it dies and then charged it again, but really more than 4 hours is impossible. But according to processor and graphics card and performance its understandable and you can always buy one more battery to keep going :)
Speakers and microphone. Speakers are two on each side of netbook. They are not best, but not worst either. Can go pretty loud, but when listening to music quite loud, you can really hear noise which disturbs the music. In headphones everything seems fine. Watching movie was just fine, when people talk, the noise is smaller, but when there was some exciting music, had to turn it down a little bit, but that still made a nice hearable sound, so if you are not at the train station, you will enjoy the movie anyway (and the screen is really awesome). Microphone is sensitive, other side on skype and landline and mobile phone heard me clearly, without noises and other disturbings, even when I was sitting about 50cm far away from the pc.
Windows 7 Home Premium. This is my first experience with this new operating system. On my normal PC I am running WIN XP and my experience with Vista equals my experience of walking on the moon. It runs really fast with 2GB ram memory, nvidia ION graphics card and intel atom processor inside. It didnt stuck even once so far which nicely surprised me. If you are used to windows XP, you will easily get used to WIN7 - I managed it in 10 minutes to work out the basics. Only problem I got was to understand strange Documents explorer. You have your favourites, then libraries and then PC itself (maybe this is in Vista too?). Took me a while to understand the difference between "library" and "Computer", but then I realised how does it work and its much better than in Win XP. In your libraries (music, movies, documetns, ...) you are having some sort of "shortcuts" to your folders which are in "computer\D:"... Imagine you have some movies on D: disc and C disc as well. In libraries you have everything on one place and you dont have to browse through your discs and find them. Of course you can set which destinations your libraries load, I have set it to only D: disc as I am using it mostly for data as music and movies.
Only once the screen started to be funny - green, blue, grey blinking, thought its some virus but the provided "Trend micro security" didnt find anything and because I find NOD32 as the best antivirus system you can get, I downloaded theirs and it didnt find anything as well. Restart helped and it didnt happen for 5 days already so hopefully it was just some crazy bug repaired by some updates.
Gaming. I am installing all files through my home wifi network, put dvd into drive on big computer and install it on asus, which works pretty fine and fast - proves the speed of wifi as well which is really good and without any bugs like disconnecting when you really dont need to be cut off connection. Installed Aliens vs. Predator 2, SOD II gold edition and Commandos 2. Works great. All of the games are quite old and the compatibility with WIN7 doesnt make any problems, it just runs fast, smooth and doesnt stuck at all. Tried SODII network multiplayer - works great as well, no problems with connnection or speed, even seen other players been freezing. Was afraid of not compatibility with new system but was nicely surprised. Only problem with those games is that they dont run HD definition so from each side of screen there is about 5cm black gap which from the beginning really distracted me, but I got used to it... Tried to set the resolution in the games, but it didnt have the one needed. Maybe its problem of only those games or every game, dont know, but its not such a big problem for me. (but having fullscreen game would really increase the game experience).
To summarize all of it, I am really happy with this little wee device, especially because its not so little wee, its fast, great looking and comfortable. If you cant decide what to buy, I sincerely recommend this one. Great for work, study and as multimedia station too.
If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Read more!
I know there are lots of reviews of this notebook, but found only one user's one and it didnt give me informations I wanted to know. Doubt google will google this article, but maybe it will be useful for some people who cant decide which device to buy.
The netbook really looks wonderful. Its design is one of the most beautiful Ive seen. Ive read some revie
ws, where was said, that its glossy so its very easily getting dirty with lots of fingerprints. Dont know if its only red one, but mine has glossy only the part inside - around a keybord and though the fingerprints are not as visible as i expected. When the netbook is closed, its not glossy at all (dont know the english word - opaque?) and it has nice smooth surface and it took me a while to put a fingerprint on it (also took me a while to clean it).Its pretty big in comparism with other netbooks which is big big possitive, hate the tiny ones when its hard to put your finger on the letter you actually want to - the keybord is really king sized, on each side it has only 7mm to the edge, so there are no problems with writing or typing mistakes. Didnt notice any problems with buttons, all of them are pretty responsive, not too hard to press also not too soft, just perfect.
LCD Screen 12,1'' HD definition, everything is nice and sharp and watching videos its just awesome. Only thing which disturbs a wee bit is, that the screen really is glossy, so if you have light behind you, you can see yourself (as on the picture - click to get bigger) pretty good and its distracting from eg. watching movie or playing game. On other netbooks disturbs me that you have to scroll many times, even to side, there is no problem with this.
Touchpad. It h
as really nice surface - its not divided by terrible "edges" but only little spots are on it, very pleasant to touch. Its fast, responsive, accurate. Only problem I am noticing is, that multitouch is being kind of cheeky to me. Dont know if its issue of every of them, but mine from time to time decides to disable scrolling and zooming. I scroll using two fingers sliding up or down and according to that screen scrolls. But sometimes I can slide to death and the screen wont move, even though the little symbol of scrolling appears. Only restart helps, then it works perfectly... Have browsed through some settings but everything seemed to be "working". Googled if somebody has experiencing the same troubles but didnt find anything so I will appreciate if you can give me some hint what the problem is. The touchpad buttons are bit harder to press for me, but getting quite used to it, anyway I use just tap on the pad's area than pressing the buttons.
Webcam - no troubles, nice 0.3M, picture is sharp and doesnt stuck while videophoning on skype or wherever.
Battery life. Here I am really disappointed. Read some reviews, also the description on the site I bought this (!!), where is said that the battery can hold on even 8 hours! Well, sure it can, if you keep it off. But if you are normally working on it, dont expect more than 3 hours, 3 and half max. I set mine to: wifi on (permanently online), BT off, LCD brightness to 20% and sounds off and battery mode to "power saving". Using only internet, microsoft word and powerpoint. Didnt get more than 3 hours and 25 minutes. Done everything right, completely let the battery die, then charge, then use it till it dies and then charged it again, but really more than 4 hours is impossible. But according to processor and graphics card and performance its understandable and you can always buy one more battery to keep going :)
Speakers and microphone. Speakers are two on each side of netbook. They are not best, but not worst either. Can go pretty loud, but when listening to music quite loud, you can really hear noise which disturbs the music. In headphones everything seems fine. Watching movie was just fine, when people talk, the noise is smaller, but when there was some exciting music, had to turn it down a little bit, but that still made a nice hearable sound, so if you are not at the train station, you will enjoy the movie anyway (and the screen is really awesome). Microphone is sensitive, other side on skype and landline and mobile phone heard me clearly, without noises and other disturbings, even when I was sitting about 50cm far away from the pc.
Windows 7 Home Premium. This is my first experience with this new operating system. On my normal PC I am running WIN XP and my experience with Vista equals my experience of walking on the moon. It runs really fast with 2GB ram memory, nvidia ION graphics card and intel atom processor inside. It didnt stuck even once so far which nicely surprised me. If you are used to windows XP, you will easily get used to WIN7 - I managed it in 10 minutes to work out the basics. Only problem I got was to understand strange Documents explorer. You have your favourites, then libraries and then PC itself (maybe this is in Vista too?). Took me a while to understand the difference between "library" and "Computer", but then I realised how does it work and its much better than in Win XP. In your libraries (music, movies, documetns, ...) you are having some sort of "shortcuts" to your folders which are in "computer\D:"... Imagine you have some movies on D: disc and C disc as well. In libraries you have everything on one place and you dont have to browse through your discs and find them. Of course you can set which destinations your libraries load, I have set it to only D: disc as I am using it mostly for data as music and movies.
Only once the screen started to be funny - green, blue, grey blinking, thought its some virus but the provided "Trend micro security" didnt find anything and because I find NOD32 as the best antivirus system you can get, I downloaded theirs and it didnt find anything as well. Restart helped and it didnt happen for 5 days already so hopefully it was just some crazy bug repaired by some updates.
Gaming. I am installing all files through my home wifi network, put dvd into drive on big computer and install it on asus, which works pretty fine and fast - proves the speed of wifi as well which is really good and without any bugs like disconnecting when you really dont need to be cut off connection. Installed Aliens vs. Predator 2, SOD II gold edition and Commandos 2. Works great. All of the games are quite old and the compatibility with WIN7 doesnt make any problems, it just runs fast, smooth and doesnt stuck at all. Tried SODII network multiplayer - works great as well, no problems with connnection or speed, even seen other players been freezing. Was afraid of not compatibility with new system but was nicely surprised. Only problem with those games is that they dont run HD definition so from each side of screen there is about 5cm black gap which from the beginning really distracted me, but I got used to it... Tried to set the resolution in the games, but it didnt have the one needed. Maybe its problem of only those games or every game, dont know, but its not such a big problem for me. (but having fullscreen game would really increase the game experience).
To summarize all of it, I am really happy with this little wee device, especially because its not so little wee, its fast, great looking and comfortable. If you cant decide what to buy, I sincerely recommend this one. Great for work, study and as multimedia station too.
If you have any questions feel free to ask.
Read more!
Thursday 26 November 2009
My mind is a box
... and you put things in.
Sometimes just one song can exactly express your feelings when you dont know how to.
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Sometimes just one song can exactly express your feelings when you dont know how to.
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Sunday 15 November 2009
Nightmare before... christmas?
No... I am not talking about the fabulous Burton's animated story. Just talking about my life as usual lol.
Have new roommates. Very nice people. Hope they will like their new home, really hope.
Was visiting my mother... Not very nice. Her new apartment is absolutely awesome. Mindblowing. Took my breath away, really. First couple of hours we were just chatting, even laughing, admiring new stuff, talking about my school, ... I was really happy to see her. But still it felt... cold, really wanted to hug her. But then her antidepressives stopped working or I dontk now what happened, but she got very angry with me. She started to blaim me for everything what happened... That my girlfriend is bitch, that she is abusing me and other bullshit. She doesnt know anything, anything about my girlfriend. She didnt even give any effort to get to know her! "too lazy to learn new language" she said the other time. "I am taking your heart-shaped glasses off! I want you to think about your relationship!!!" ........... I am thinking!!! And I am happy. For the first time in my life I am happy. Not always - as she is far away now... But in general, I feel happy love.
Not like my mum... I dont want to be like her. But she does want me to be like her... She has a new boyfriend. They are together for 4 months. I really want her to be satisfied, she deserves to have someone who loves her. But I think she doesnt cherish the other person's love. She doesnt cherish the other person at all. Or at least it feels to me like that. I was soooo glad to hear she has somebody... When I told her "thats great! How did you met, how long are you together?", she said "4 months... but I dont know I am not happy... there are things which I really dont like. Eg. he is a chef and works in some luxury restaurant, and his shifts are really rough - he doesnt know when he will have to support or swap his shifts for his collegues etc., then I think he has problems with alcohol... and then once he was 3 hours late and made so impossible excuse, like that he had to pick his friend ----- etc etc" - i really didnt understand the issue.
But to get to the point - where is some trust? She doesnt trust him. What is the relationship about then? As I remember, she didnt trust any of her partners. Not even one. According to her, every of them wanted just to abuse her and cheat on her.
She was happy when she was with them - Ive seen that, she felt it, but she always made some reasons why she cant be with them...
I think that the relationship is about trust, about compromise, about support, love. Of course you have to think about it. But not too much. You would go absolutely crazy, paranoid... Thinking up incredible stories what could happen instead of the excuse which was said to you. I know that, I was like this too. But it was driving me mad. It was destroying me... Maybe I created some defensive mechanism.
I think about it... But not too much. Whenever I have crazy thoughts... I ask my friend to kick my ass to wake up. Or I manage it myself - stop thinking about it. There is nothing I can do anyway - so why to suffer?
I miss my mum like crazy :(
When I was leaving - after her monologue "how could you burn 20 years of your life?!" - she said really ugly good bye and pushed me out of the house and almost slapped the door in front of my nose... I didnt get that... We had so nice time! Or at least I felt it to be nice... I asked her if I can come again, and she said "Thats the thing you should think about" - its not how it sounds in english, in czech it was little different but there is no way i can translate it. It was practicly "depends on my mood". And slapped the door.
When I told her I am gonna spend Christmas in Ireland, she said "you must be kidding me!! Do you have your family there?! If you do this you completely cut off every possibility how to have relationship with me. Ask your dad how will he feel about it!!!" ... and she went completely crazy.
Situation is like this... My dad has new family. Girlfriend and little daughter. I have never spent Christmas with him. Never, only went for a visit couple of days before or after... Always with my mum. I dont even feel at home in his house... Its not my home. I dont feel it, and I would feel like a foreigner there.
My relationship with my mum is - like this. Cant imagine that we will sit happily to the dinning table on Holy night to the classical carp and salad and pretend that we are all happy...
What does she expect? That I will sit alone at home?
And yes, I have family in Ireland. I have home in Ireland. I feel at home in Ireland.
Home is not where are you living, but where they understand you. And love you.
I feel so weak... :(
Read more!
Have new roommates. Very nice people. Hope they will like their new home, really hope.
Was visiting my mother... Not very nice. Her new apartment is absolutely awesome. Mindblowing. Took my breath away, really. First couple of hours we were just chatting, even laughing, admiring new stuff, talking about my school, ... I was really happy to see her. But still it felt... cold, really wanted to hug her. But then her antidepressives stopped working or I dontk now what happened, but she got very angry with me. She started to blaim me for everything what happened... That my girlfriend is bitch, that she is abusing me and other bullshit. She doesnt know anything, anything about my girlfriend. She didnt even give any effort to get to know her! "too lazy to learn new language" she said the other time. "I am taking your heart-shaped glasses off! I want you to think about your relationship!!!" ........... I am thinking!!! And I am happy. For the first time in my life I am happy. Not always - as she is far away now... But in general, I feel happy love.
Not like my mum... I dont want to be like her. But she does want me to be like her... She has a new boyfriend. They are together for 4 months. I really want her to be satisfied, she deserves to have someone who loves her. But I think she doesnt cherish the other person's love. She doesnt cherish the other person at all. Or at least it feels to me like that. I was soooo glad to hear she has somebody... When I told her "thats great! How did you met, how long are you together?", she said "4 months... but I dont know I am not happy... there are things which I really dont like. Eg. he is a chef and works in some luxury restaurant, and his shifts are really rough - he doesnt know when he will have to support or swap his shifts for his collegues etc., then I think he has problems with alcohol... and then once he was 3 hours late and made so impossible excuse, like that he had to pick his friend ----- etc etc" - i really didnt understand the issue.
But to get to the point - where is some trust? She doesnt trust him. What is the relationship about then? As I remember, she didnt trust any of her partners. Not even one. According to her, every of them wanted just to abuse her and cheat on her.
She was happy when she was with them - Ive seen that, she felt it, but she always made some reasons why she cant be with them...
I think that the relationship is about trust, about compromise, about support, love. Of course you have to think about it. But not too much. You would go absolutely crazy, paranoid... Thinking up incredible stories what could happen instead of the excuse which was said to you. I know that, I was like this too. But it was driving me mad. It was destroying me... Maybe I created some defensive mechanism.
I think about it... But not too much. Whenever I have crazy thoughts... I ask my friend to kick my ass to wake up. Or I manage it myself - stop thinking about it. There is nothing I can do anyway - so why to suffer?
I miss my mum like crazy :(
When I was leaving - after her monologue "how could you burn 20 years of your life?!" - she said really ugly good bye and pushed me out of the house and almost slapped the door in front of my nose... I didnt get that... We had so nice time! Or at least I felt it to be nice... I asked her if I can come again, and she said "Thats the thing you should think about" - its not how it sounds in english, in czech it was little different but there is no way i can translate it. It was practicly "depends on my mood". And slapped the door.
When I told her I am gonna spend Christmas in Ireland, she said "you must be kidding me!! Do you have your family there?! If you do this you completely cut off every possibility how to have relationship with me. Ask your dad how will he feel about it!!!" ... and she went completely crazy.
Situation is like this... My dad has new family. Girlfriend and little daughter. I have never spent Christmas with him. Never, only went for a visit couple of days before or after... Always with my mum. I dont even feel at home in his house... Its not my home. I dont feel it, and I would feel like a foreigner there.
My relationship with my mum is - like this. Cant imagine that we will sit happily to the dinning table on Holy night to the classical carp and salad and pretend that we are all happy...
What does she expect? That I will sit alone at home?
And yes, I have family in Ireland. I have home in Ireland. I feel at home in Ireland.
Home is not where are you living, but where they understand you. And love you.
I feel so weak... :(
Read more!
Friday 30 October 2009
Temptation to write....
Just anything, as usual. To let my thoughts go away from me...
Living in the "new" flat for one month already. Waiting for my lover (comes next week), who feels that I am suffocating her... I dont know what I am doing wrong in our relationship. What should I do? I dont want to suffocate her. Stopped texting her, stopped calling her. Now will leave it up to her. When she wants to contact me, I will be happy...
I am so scared and worried. Need to get a subletter here because the rent is too high for us. Really many people were interested and mailed me. But really to have a look came only half of them and the rest didnt bother to tell that they are not coming. Quarter of people who came texted me that they are sorry but found another place - closer to work, flat with more people in, ... And another quarter didnt bother to contact me at all.
Really nervous about that... Need someone in two days - mission impossible...
I miss my girl like crazy. But afraid to tell her... Hope everything is gonna be just fine by time.
School is hard (who would expect that). Cant wait to finnish the first year. Will have to lie in the books whole weekend and study cranium, then latin and histology.
Disgusted with my country... With people. Feeling lonely and alone here. On the other hand, I am refusing people and socializing in last few weeks. Its like a magic circle... I want to see people, go out, have fun... But on the other side - I want them to leave me alone. I actually dont know what I want. Thats even worse.
I am going out, getting drunk... Was in bar this week, last week... And what. It just gave me hangover... Was fun, "good craic"...
Another useless post which will stay unread but will help me to sort my thoughts out and kill some of time which I dont have anyway....
Feel like I want to go to bed and sleep for 5 years, then wake up and see where I am. Or just stay dreaming. I am dreaming all the time anyway, even when I am awake. Strange, that I need a coffee when going to study. It kicks my ass and then I can learn a lot in short time. Will wake up early tomorrow and stay - why am I writing stay? Wanted to write start. Mr. Freud would be laughing at the moment :) Start studying.
Listening to Muse, and having flutterbys in my tummy, because I have really strong memories for this music, especially for the Sing for absolution.
Read more!
Living in the "new" flat for one month already. Waiting for my lover (comes next week), who feels that I am suffocating her... I dont know what I am doing wrong in our relationship. What should I do? I dont want to suffocate her. Stopped texting her, stopped calling her. Now will leave it up to her. When she wants to contact me, I will be happy...
I am so scared and worried. Need to get a subletter here because the rent is too high for us. Really many people were interested and mailed me. But really to have a look came only half of them and the rest didnt bother to tell that they are not coming. Quarter of people who came texted me that they are sorry but found another place - closer to work, flat with more people in, ... And another quarter didnt bother to contact me at all.
Really nervous about that... Need someone in two days - mission impossible...
I miss my girl like crazy. But afraid to tell her... Hope everything is gonna be just fine by time.
School is hard (who would expect that). Cant wait to finnish the first year. Will have to lie in the books whole weekend and study cranium, then latin and histology.
Disgusted with my country... With people. Feeling lonely and alone here. On the other hand, I am refusing people and socializing in last few weeks. Its like a magic circle... I want to see people, go out, have fun... But on the other side - I want them to leave me alone. I actually dont know what I want. Thats even worse.
I am going out, getting drunk... Was in bar this week, last week... And what. It just gave me hangover... Was fun, "good craic"...
Another useless post which will stay unread but will help me to sort my thoughts out and kill some of time which I dont have anyway....
Feel like I want to go to bed and sleep for 5 years, then wake up and see where I am. Or just stay dreaming. I am dreaming all the time anyway, even when I am awake. Strange, that I need a coffee when going to study. It kicks my ass and then I can learn a lot in short time. Will wake up early tomorrow and stay - why am I writing stay? Wanted to write start. Mr. Freud would be laughing at the moment :) Start studying.
Listening to Muse, and having flutterbys in my tummy, because I have really strong memories for this music, especially for the Sing for absolution.
Read more!
Friday 9 October 2009
"Youre not on high school, youre in hell, and it will get worse!"
Words of my anathomy teacher sound in my ears last week every single second.
I am really in hell. And imagination that it will get worse doesnt help me lol.
I am tired, still living on the floor and boxes, as the flat we are supposed to move in is still not finnished. Fucking bastards i really need some peace to study. Its hard even to find some clean panties in the fucking mess i am living now.
Our first test passed one person from 22. Really funny. I am curious how I am gonna make it.
"Its impossible to make it, but you must" say our older schoolmates. Theyre right... Its impossible, but we just must, otherwise we quit.
Drinking my first coffee and will study whole night I guess. Dont have enough time and dont have enough energy.
I have to get another subletter to the other room, so every day someone is coming to see the flat, which looks really ugly at the moment.
Made a list what I will have to buy. Out of a bargain... at least i have some cuttlery. I wont even have a fucking fridge... Hope the landlady will put there some. She is pissing me off anyway, she promised "fully equipped kitchen" and only things which are there is a sink, two drawes, two shelves and oven. No splashboard, no fridge, no freezer, nothing. Working desk is also not included. What the fuck is she thinking. I cant afford to pay for all of it and the rent is really high so I am sure she has money to put there something more!
If I didnt come and ask her if she is gonna put there some lights, she went to buy them the same day. I am wondering, if she would put it in there without my request, or just let us live in the dark and without electricity.
I wish it all was over really and I was sitting in my new chair and warm and studying in quiet and tidyness.
I want to have my clothes in wardrobe finally!!!
Read more!
I am really in hell. And imagination that it will get worse doesnt help me lol.
I am tired, still living on the floor and boxes, as the flat we are supposed to move in is still not finnished. Fucking bastards i really need some peace to study. Its hard even to find some clean panties in the fucking mess i am living now.
Our first test passed one person from 22. Really funny. I am curious how I am gonna make it.
"Its impossible to make it, but you must" say our older schoolmates. Theyre right... Its impossible, but we just must, otherwise we quit.
Drinking my first coffee and will study whole night I guess. Dont have enough time and dont have enough energy.
I have to get another subletter to the other room, so every day someone is coming to see the flat, which looks really ugly at the moment.
Made a list what I will have to buy. Out of a bargain... at least i have some cuttlery. I wont even have a fucking fridge... Hope the landlady will put there some. She is pissing me off anyway, she promised "fully equipped kitchen" and only things which are there is a sink, two drawes, two shelves and oven. No splashboard, no fridge, no freezer, nothing. Working desk is also not included. What the fuck is she thinking. I cant afford to pay for all of it and the rent is really high so I am sure she has money to put there something more!
If I didnt come and ask her if she is gonna put there some lights, she went to buy them the same day. I am wondering, if she would put it in there without my request, or just let us live in the dark and without electricity.
I wish it all was over really and I was sitting in my new chair and warm and studying in quiet and tidyness.
I want to have my clothes in wardrobe finally!!!
Read more!
Saturday 3 October 2009
This is the way how I imagine "hard-core beginning of the school year"
Omg. Three letters explaining practicly everything lol.
School started. On tuesday we write first anathomy test. I am scared like shit... Studying every day but I have no idea how I am gonna make it. About 200 new latin words, most of them sound very similar to each other.
Then about the flat thing. We were supposed to move out till 1st of october. Its 3rd and we are living still in the same flat but now with another subletters, who will have this flat after us. So, 4 girls and practicly 5 people living here. Its quite big apartment but really not so big so we can all fit. "Our" flat was under reconstruction and is still not finnished. On 30th I got through a mild nervous break down when I figured out that in the flat there is no toilet, no shower, no floors, no lights, no electricity... Simply nothing.
The new flat mates - neighbours soon - are two slovenian girls. They are really very nice so far. I have really good luck with friends :)
And we were supposed to move in next day. Asked the workmen and they said "Oh dont think youll move in soon... Its gonna be in 2 weeks!"
I thought I will die at that moment.
Then they said it will be ready on Monday but really, I cant see it.... Floor in the kitchen is not there at all and you are not allowed to walk on it at least for 24 hours when its done.....
I wish all this is over.
I just must pass the test!! Or i quit :(
And to make this post a wee bit more possitive. Bought two absolutely great IKEA writing tables for 800 (about 30€), got 2 chairs for free, cuttlery, cups, curtains, shelves, kettles, pots.
Everything for free from my best friends. Thank you all! X
Read more!
School started. On tuesday we write first anathomy test. I am scared like shit... Studying every day but I have no idea how I am gonna make it. About 200 new latin words, most of them sound very similar to each other.
Then about the flat thing. We were supposed to move out till 1st of october. Its 3rd and we are living still in the same flat but now with another subletters, who will have this flat after us. So, 4 girls and practicly 5 people living here. Its quite big apartment but really not so big so we can all fit. "Our" flat was under reconstruction and is still not finnished. On 30th I got through a mild nervous break down when I figured out that in the flat there is no toilet, no shower, no floors, no lights, no electricity... Simply nothing.
The new flat mates - neighbours soon - are two slovenian girls. They are really very nice so far. I have really good luck with friends :)
And we were supposed to move in next day. Asked the workmen and they said "Oh dont think youll move in soon... Its gonna be in 2 weeks!"
I thought I will die at that moment.
Then they said it will be ready on Monday but really, I cant see it.... Floor in the kitchen is not there at all and you are not allowed to walk on it at least for 24 hours when its done.....
I wish all this is over.
I just must pass the test!! Or i quit :(
And to make this post a wee bit more possitive. Bought two absolutely great IKEA writing tables for 800 (about 30€), got 2 chairs for free, cuttlery, cups, curtains, shelves, kettles, pots.
Everything for free from my best friends. Thank you all! X
Read more!
Thursday 24 September 2009
Unsent letters
Am i weirdo or do u do it as well?
I write a letter... to anyone. But dont send it. I dont know why do i write it then? To sort out my thoughts? There are sooo many things I want to say and ask. I have just written one letter but as soon as I finnished it, I decided not to send it. Or give it, whatver...
Maybe I could post it here and who knows, maybe the person will come across my blog and read it. But maybe not.
I do it with blog posts too. I write a post and then dont post it. Considering not posting even this one.
Shall I or shall I not?
Read more!
I write a letter... to anyone. But dont send it. I dont know why do i write it then? To sort out my thoughts? There are sooo many things I want to say and ask. I have just written one letter but as soon as I finnished it, I decided not to send it. Or give it, whatver...
Maybe I could post it here and who knows, maybe the person will come across my blog and read it. But maybe not.
I do it with blog posts too. I write a post and then dont post it. Considering not posting even this one.
Shall I or shall I not?
Read more!
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